Dear Friends,

I had an amazing day on Friday...returning to my Dr. Bahador and the office house of healing. I felt like I was home again.

The Plan is that I have a port put in on Wed. Dec. 6th early am and then go to Dr. Bahador right after for the 2nd chemo.

This plan may have to be postponed due to my low nuetrophil count...it's dangerously low and I have to be even more careful about exposure to just about anything...so...another reminder for those of you preparing food and or visiting...I am even more concerned ...so...thanks for washing your hands and thanks for not visiting sick.

I was given incredible news!!!! As you know...my CA125 blood test( the marker for ovarian cancer) before surgery was over 3,350 ( normal is under 35)

After surgery...it dropped to 350

After my first chemo....18....WOW...this is amazing....this is a great sign that my body is responding to the chemo...I have already healed...I just have to complete the journey...YEAH!!!

So...thankyou for your prayers...your support ...your love....please continue to join me on this journey of healing...we will all learn so much about love.

It's so easy to want to put my situation in a box that we place over in a corner...it's too hard for some of us to face that "if Summer can get sick ...then what does that mean for me?" It's easy to be afraid of the mystery of all that is happening...not only to me but to so many other friends and family...we may never have all of the answers to the why did I get sick ...AGAIN??? Or ..."what is she doing wrong...or she must have more lessons to learn ...or she probably hasn't faced her past...or ...if she eats organic and mostly vegan and her lifestyle is as it seems...how could this be happening????"

There are so many unknowns...there are whys that we may never have the answers to...so many of us in the mind body way of thinking and living...have been taught to blame ...blame someone if they are poor ...blame someone if they are sick...I have now been on both sides of this in my life many times...I have come to a place in my heart where blame does not exhist. I can't heal if I am being blamed ....my friends who also share my situation...most likely won't heal if there is punishment. I have come to a place where love is the only answer...put your arms around those you love....and hold them in a sacred place of healing...without blame...without punishment...without having to have all of the answers...we can heal the planet this way...accept the confusion and step into a more open way of thinking. Open your heart.

It does help us to understand as much as we can so we can use our tools wisely...there is much we can do to prevent illness...we have many tools and an intelligence that will guide us down our path in the most useful way possible...perhaps we do the very best we can...and sometimes we are presented challenges that just don't seem to make sense or even fair...and yet...we still have to face them...

After I went down the list of Whys....after I screamed this SUCKS and this is FUCKING UNFAIR ....after I went over my diet and lifestyle...scanning for some mistake...after wondering why after several Dr.'s visits questioning my crazy symptoms...after so many questions that led to more meaningless answers...I have arrived at this calm place of surrender and acceptance.

I don't understand why I have what I have...I do accept it ...not as defeat...I accept it as a gift that will bring me to a higher and deeper understanding about healing....a richer experience of love and true peace. I feel calm and ready to embrace this mysterious path. I don't want to fight anyone from a place of anger. I'm not angry...I trust this place....I trust my body to be strong and my spirit to soar ....

Sometimes I don't feel so well and other times I feel great...it truly is a rollercoaster of symptoms that can change hourly...I wake up in the morning feeling great and then I don't feel so good a few hours later...this is frustrating when I want to work( I haven't yet) or when I have a visitor coming (which sometimes I have to cancel) The migraines have been a challenge as well. I try to get through the difficult side effects and then move on...it truly comes and goes.

So...YES>>>even with acceptance...there is still frustration...however...I accept it and move on...I don't stay in any place too long...my yoga teacher taught us about "parinama" everything is temporary.

I found a great website... www.chemochicks.com a humerous site for women going through chemotherapy....they have products that will be fun for the bald Summer that will emerge any day now...I had another hair cut on friday ...I carry my hat with me in case my hair blows off in the wind...it's crazy ...sitting here at the computer with one style and getting up with another...very wierd and very funny...going to bed with hair and possibly waking up without it....

I welcome your thoughts...I welcome your honesty...if you're angry and confused and you want to talk about it...let's do it....we can help eachother get through...if you have also arrived ...most likely through challenges of your own like me ready to embrace the uncertainty and to move forward in love...please continue to surround me in that loving spirit and we will also get through this together. There is so much we don't understand and yet we can step into love ...we can continue to send love and healing and peace out into the world...we can continue to be examples of ....instead of always angry at...

I love you and miss you and I know we will enjoy our time together soon...may you have patience during this time while we all feel like we're waiting...go exercise ....go to other classes...go fill yourself up with all of the wonderful things we know that makes us feel great...go out into nature and enjoy...go try something new...we can do this!!!!! Together....we can do anything!!!

Love to you always,
Summer