sorry about the large print....for those of you( us) who are challenged by small print...this one's for you...where that came from...who knows... the large print God emerged ...hahahaha....

Happy New Year!!!!!

Thank you for your love and support all of these years...

Yesterday in class I read from a book called " Kitchen Table Wisdom" pg. 217
Rachel Ramen M.D

" We all can influence the life force. The tools and strategies of healing are so innate, so much a part of a common birthright, that we believers in technology pay very little attention to them. But they have lost none of their power.

People have been healing each other since the beginning. Long before there were surgeons, psychologists, oncologists and internists, we were there for each other. The healing of our present woundedness may lie in recognizing and reclaiming the capacity we all have to heal each other, the enormous power in the simplest of human relationships: the strength of a touch, the blessing of forgiveness, the grace of someone else taking you just as you are and finding in you an unsuspected goodness.

Everyone alive has suffered. It is the wisdom gained from our wounds and from our own experiences of suffering that makes us able to heal. Becoming expert has turned out to be less important than remembering and trusting the wholeness in myself and everyone else. Expertise cures, but wounded people can be best healed by other wounded people. Only other wounded people can understand what is needed, for the healing and suffering is compassion, not expertise.

I like to look at the wounded person as someone who is not weak from his or her experiences...rather as someone who's heart has been touched in such a way that compassion and love become the outcome rather than bitterness and anger...empathy can emerge when there is less residue. May we all allow for the space in our hearts to be filled with this love rather than letting our confusion lead to judgement about what should and shouldn't happen in our lives or someone else's... or, who or who should not get sick. I know that I'm learning so much about the wonderful things in my life because of my obstacles than ever before... would I have learned these same things without the challenges???? I'm not sure...for now...I'm grateful. Thank you for throwing me an oar just as I encountered murky and turbulent waters...we have so much to share ...so much more to learn....


Let us truly embrace what 2006 has taught us and with love in our hearts and a willingness to stay open and compassionate....may we step into the light of 2007 !!!!!!


Love,

Summer

What a wonderful celebration we had on Saturday the 30th for both Yoga and Spirit Dance...it was great to see all of you and not only did I feel incredible yesterday....I feel just as good today....I'm a bit sore....as I'm sure some of you are as well...looking forward to connecting soon...


I have had positive feedback regarding the future schedule...continue to give me feedback...I will be confirming this week...


Much love,
Summer

...just as I posted the blog...the Feb date for the saturday classes at indigo came through....

add to the blog below.... saturday february 24th...



YEAH....take care...Summer

Great News!!!!!

Prior to surgery...my ca-125 was 3,350...( this is the ovarian cancer marker)...after surgery....it dropped to 350...after the first chemo...it dropped again to 18 which was amazing...I just went to the Dr's today and it has dropped again to 9.4.....can you believe it???? I knew it must be great because other than the week of chemo...I have been feeling unbelievable...every day I get stronger ....it's still not my normal....but very close to it...Dr. Bahador was very inspired and said that this is better than good news...I agree...

More good news.... I have been offered a Tuesday night option at Indigo Village....so many of you have been asking for a week night Spirit Dance...many of you in the North County have also been asking me for a week night yoga as well....so this is a possible plan....

... if you are all flexible with my chemo schedule...I am ready to work again...slowly building back up to a doable schedule with classes and clients...I will supply you all with the dates for each month that I can teach my classes...you will have to take these dates and plug them into your calendars so you don't miss anything....it might be confusing at first but we can create a format that will work for all of us...here's the plan if you agree...

Thursday night yoga will stay at Soulfit in Solana Beach at 6:15pm
With my chemo schedule ...I will be able to teach every thursday night (unless there is an emergency) starting January 11th

...optional change...Tuesday nights will be at Indigo Village ( this is not set in stone...I would like to commit ASAP)

5pm Yoga and 6:45 pm Spirit Dance ...

due to my chemo rotation of side effects I can only teach select tuesdays

January Dates 16th and 23rd...February 6th, 13th, 27th..
March 6th, 20th, 27th ...April 10th, 17th...
( more dates will be announced)

...this earlier yoga class will allow those of you who get off work earlier to have a different option to thursday nights...(time and location)...some of you will do both tues/thurs night yoga and some of you can choose the location that will be best for you.... let me know asap about your ability to commit to the Indigo Village location...I will confirm with you as soon as I hear back from you regarding the tuesday night option...if confirmed, be ready to begin on the 16th of Jan.

The Saturday Classes have changed to once per month due to Indigo Village's change in scheduling..it was going to be the 1st and 3rd of every month..due to my diagnosis...Indigo Village needed to make some changes due to the uncertainty of my availability....we met the other day and looked at monthly options instead of the original plan...this is in addition to our possible tuesday nights which would give us more time together...eventually...we could find a location that would serve all of our needs ....as you are out and about...please keep your eyes open for just the right space that would work for all of the classes that I teach. The following dates are confirmed:

Saturday class dates

Dec 30th...Jan 20th...Feb TBA...March 24th...April 28th..
(more times will follow)

7:30am YOGA 9:30am SPIRIT DANCE

The tues/ thurs Spirit Tone classes will begin in February...I can teach every Thursday class ...the tuesday schedule will coincide with the tuesday night schedule at Indigo...
These classes will be held at Soulfit in Solana Beach until another space becomes available...

tuesday dates
Feb 6th,13th, 27th plus all thursdays... March 6th, 2oth,27th plus all thursdays
April 10th , 17th plus all thursdays

select tuesdays and all thursdays 9:15am

( more dates will follow)

I will send an email out to all of you as well...please respond to the blog or/ and to me via email ...the sooner the better so I can commit to these locations .

Please observe the " Don't come sick rule " at all times ...this is the only way I can resume teaching and training....please wash your hands and be extra cautious with awareness that even a small cold for you can land me in the hospital and cause me to miss my treatments. Chemo is very intense and places me in a vulnerable position...as much as I want to see you...please honor this rule at all times... Thank you for your understanding.

I will see some of you tommorrow...saturday classes...I am so excited to see you....please respond to this blog and write down all dates on your calendar so we can connect without confusion...

Namaste,
Summer

Dear Friends,

See you all on Saturday....if you can't come...I'll feel you in spirit..I love you all...I feel amazing...I'll let you know how my Dr. appt goes tommorow...see you saturday...Love you...Summer

Dear Friends,

I feel so good!!!! I have slowly added exercise to my schedule...previously, my walks were extremely slow and although, on some good days I could walk as long as 2 hours...the distance covered was not too exciting....recently...I have noticed a difference in my strength and endurance...I have walked several times for 2 hours with more speed...no where near my normal...just faster than before...YEAH!!! And just this week...I rode my indoor bike ...my normal watts would be 130 ish ...I was so humbled....I started at 100 and my heart rate soared to 180...WHEW...I dropped it by 10 until I was at 70 and my heart rate finally stablized at 145-150....two days ago ..I tried it again and was able to ride at 75 watts...each ride was 75 min...I have also done a little Pilates and yesterday was my first day doing Yoga....it felt so good...there were several positions I couldn't do ....felt great anyway....then I went on a real hike for 2 hours...lots of hills...not too fast...I actually have soreness today....

I can also tell I have gained a little muscle back....I don't look so emaciated....

I can't wait to see you all on Saturday...

Caution:

Please don't come to any class or to my house sick or if you think you might be sick or if you have been exposed to sickness recently ....even a no big deal cold or a little sore throat or if you think it might be allergies but not sure...this is very serious for me while for you it's just a cold...this is the only way I can even think about teaching again...Thank you....

My next Dr. appointment with Dr. Bahador is this Friday....a check up to reveiw labs and to check in with how well things are going...

My next chemo will most likely be Thursday January 4th....trying for a Friday rotation by the
4th treatment...

I feel so good ...I can see that I can work at least 2 weeks or more per month or at a time...we may all have to be flexible for this to work out...I know we can figure something out....the week of chemo is not so good...the last one was challenging for 8 days...the first one was more intense but lasted only 4 days...this next one will be interesting...

How are all of you??? How were your holidays? I am so excited about Saturday ...

Celebration for the New Year and the Past Year

December 30th Saturday @ Indigo Village

YOGA 7:30 SPIRIT DANCE 9:30

donation classes

see website for directions and class descriptions

Much love to all of you,

Summer

Hi everyone!!!!

I feel better again....YEAH!!!!

I wanted to share what a student /good friend shared with me in a previous email...

" What Cancer cannot do"

...it cannot cripple love

...it cannot shatter hope

...it cannot corrode faith

...it cannot kill friendships

...it cannot suppress memories

...it cannot silence courage

...it cannot invade the soul

...it cannot steal eternal life

...it cannot conquer the spirit

love to you all....Summer

Dear Friends,

I just received confirmation that the room at Indigo Village is available on the 30th!!!

I sent a general email to all of you...just to be sure ...

New Year's Celebration

December 30th at Indigo Village

Yoga Exploration 7:30 am

Spirit Dance 9:30 am

community class rate ...give what you can for each class

mark your calenders...see you in 2 weeks...

see website for details on location and class descriptions

Much love,
Summer

Dear Friends,

WOW...it's been almost one week since my last post...time flies for lots of interesting reasons...

I am re-writing this blog...for some reason I went to edit this blog for spell check and I lost the entire blog...so ...here I go again...

As most of you know, I had my second chemo on tuesday...I did really well until I was finished and ended up with a challenging level of fatigue for tuesday night and wednesday....I managed to sleep alot. I did not get the horrible flu pain this time...I was supposed to have a shot at home for the nuetrophils but I got a little worried when I found out the shot costs over $3000....so I opted to go back down to my chemo nurse and had her do it...I did wake up thursday morning with more flu like symptoms but still bearable...no where near the pain I felt from the first chemo....YEAH...the fluish feeling continued all day on friday ...this morning I woke up able to blog...

Leslie Engle's 3rd grade class wrote me get well cards...it's a beautiful thing to read from the mouth of babes....what a lift...thank you to her 3rd grade class...

Thank you to so many that have been and continue to be generous for many reasons....I am beyond grateful...

I'm working on getting a class...some classes...ongoing classes going again....once I figure out my good and not so good days...I will be able to re-connect ...there was a suggestion that I co-teach or have someone teach for me to perhaps be a way to raise money for the cause...I'm working on this right now...it's quite possible I can start with the night yoga classes on tuesday and thurdsay ...starting in January...would you prefer the first or second week of January to start back...most likely I will feel well enough to do both...however...on the off chance that I don't feel well...I will have a teacher not just any teacher ...a very special teacher be there to share in this healing. Let me know what you think? Blog or email

I'm also trying to get us together for a New Year's celebration...originally...I had rented the room at Indigo Village for saturday the 30th of Dec...if you are all up for it...I know that day is a safe day for me with my symptoms...I would love to teach yoga and share in spirit dance with all of you....does that sound good? I am still waiting on confirmation from Indigo Village to see if that day is still available...I miss you all so much...it will feel amazing to be with you again....I will let you know the moment I know if we can get the room...heads up for this date....

Hopefully...I will continue to feel better from the second chemo...I look forward to seeing you soon...Much love to you and continued thanks for all that you are doing for me...your thoughts...your prayers...your ideas...your generosity...your food...WOW...your flowers...
flowers are safe again....my white count is at a better range...thanks to Kiko for the beautiful flowers sent from Hawaii...she is in Hawaii for Christmas...

Please stay in touch and continue to share with me about your lives...it means so much when you share with me...it helps me stay connected to you...I miss our talks...I miss our time together...some of you have said that you feel shy about blogging...it's ok to call or email as well...

I love you,
Summer

Dear Friends,

Today is already Sunday....time flys....even for me right now...

As you know...I was hospitalized on Sunday from a twisted intestine ( a common occurance with surgery like mine) as the adhesions heal...they can grab on to the intestines and create not only unbelievable pain...but a need for surgery to unkink the twist...this can happen one time or many times...the chemo and or any opiate drugs can also cause this problem...

Since I was already scheduled for the port to be put in on Wednesday...they went ahead and put it in while I was still in the hospital on Wednesday afternoon... chemo was postoned due to low nuetrophils....(white count)..,I received a shot to boost me and it worked...the port site is up on my right chest and will allow anything going in or out to be accessed through this port...my arm veins are basically done...I have quite a bit of pain in my arms from the IV's.

I was released on thursday from the hospital and went straight to my hair guy...Michele....the time to go bald had arrived...Ian...another hair guy and friend...buzzed my hair down to the lowest possible length with hiz buzzer....amidst tears between all of us and crazy pictures ...I made it through another step...anything is better than looking like a werewolf shedding....I had so much hair falling out it was getting hair on everything...I looked like I had a hair falling costume on....so...it was time...then...I went to the Solana Beach 101 Barber Shop...my first time ever...and one of the Barbers....Mike....he took down the length even more with a straight edge...it was his first time in this situation and the other Barbers were very kind ....it was amazing....so now I have arrived in a very new place...my scalp has never seen daylight...I was born with hair so....this is a first...WOW !!!! I have a good head...just need a little color...I still have my eyebrows and eyelashes but I hear it's the next thing to go....oh well..

Friday was spent doing several loads of laundry with my left arm as my right arm was not strong enough yet...I love doing laundry...so I was very happy....I have to get as much done before my next chemo which is this coming tuesday...if this chemo is like the last ...the 4 days following are not that much fun....so....I'm getting things done so I can be on the couch without too much frustration....

Saturday was Wig day....yeah...the wigs that I had purchased before at " The Brighter Side " in Solana Beach...needed to be cut and custom fit to my head....so that was fun and I even wore Jeans and earrings and looked like a normal person...although, now I can't really use the word normal after hearing Winona Ryder say that her Mom...Naomi said Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine....hahahahahahha....there you have it....so ...I wore my wig out and no one knew... I felt pretty and I had fun....I didn't feel sick. I felt happy that I could get gas( at the gas station) ha ha and that I could walk from my car without collapsing and that I didn't have any pain for just a little while...I take it all in small doses now.

Back at home and ready to embrace the next step of this mysterious journey....

I have come to find out that chemo is not just chemo...it can cause many other secondary or more side effects that are part of the process...like the twisted intestines and so much more...if it comes to that point when I have complications...please know that it's all part of the same thing...several of you thought that I had something more happening to me that was not related...I know this can be confusing for all of us....I am learning as I go...I also know that I am very strong and very determined to have this be a memory ....not a lifestyle....I will handle anything that is given to me...please be strong with me...I am not negative and I don't want you to feel sorry for me....even when it looks pretty grim....stay strong with me....when I have to handle something...handle it with me as upbeat as possible....even when things seem very dark...I am not feeling worried about being in the hospital or going bald or vomiting from the pain....I don't like it but I am ok....I still need you to lift me... not feel sorry for me....I know you can have compassion without pity....I know it's hard to not say the things that come out so fast and easy that we have been trained to say when we don't know what to say...just be you and just be honest and we can deal with it together... I am great and even when I have some tough times...I am still great....

just a reminder....those of you on the food rotation...I sent a detailed email out a few weeks ago...if you didn't get it ...contact me...I will re-send it....please call me the day before you bring food so we can confirm time of drop off and to answer any questions...

Have a beautiful Sunday....Much love....Summer

Hi gang, I am back at the helm. Summer had severe addominal pain on Sunday evening that just got worse so I called Dr. Bahador and he said to take her to the emergency room. We got there at a little after 2 am on Monday morning. They gave her pain meds, x-ray, and CT scan looking for a bowel obstruction.

The pain subsided from the meds and then the pain dissipated further by Monday morning. She has also had a bladder infection on and off and it was back on. Dr. Bahador said that the abdominal pain is a common side-effect of the surgery and chemo, and that this event may re-occur. It is part of the recovery.

Summer will have her port for chemo installed today which is a low-risk surgical procedure. Hopefully she will be coming back today but perhaps not. Next chemo is scheduled for Tuesday, once her white count is back up.

Summer asked for me to tell everyone to not send any flowers because they are potential Trojan horses; bacteria in the soil can become airbourne and cause an infection because her white count is low. This is just a precaution. She is in great spirits and has been walking quite a bit. She will take back the blog soon. ;-)

Love,

Jim

Dear Friends,

I had an amazing day on Friday...returning to my Dr. Bahador and the office house of healing. I felt like I was home again.

The Plan is that I have a port put in on Wed. Dec. 6th early am and then go to Dr. Bahador right after for the 2nd chemo.

This plan may have to be postponed due to my low nuetrophil count...it's dangerously low and I have to be even more careful about exposure to just about anything...so...another reminder for those of you preparing food and or visiting...I am even more concerned ...so...thanks for washing your hands and thanks for not visiting sick.

I was given incredible news!!!! As you know...my CA125 blood test( the marker for ovarian cancer) before surgery was over 3,350 ( normal is under 35)

After surgery...it dropped to 350

After my first chemo....18....WOW...this is amazing....this is a great sign that my body is responding to the chemo...I have already healed...I just have to complete the journey...YEAH!!!

So...thankyou for your prayers...your support ...your love....please continue to join me on this journey of healing...we will all learn so much about love.

It's so easy to want to put my situation in a box that we place over in a corner...it's too hard for some of us to face that "if Summer can get sick ...then what does that mean for me?" It's easy to be afraid of the mystery of all that is happening...not only to me but to so many other friends and family...we may never have all of the answers to the why did I get sick ...AGAIN??? Or ..."what is she doing wrong...or she must have more lessons to learn ...or she probably hasn't faced her past...or ...if she eats organic and mostly vegan and her lifestyle is as it seems...how could this be happening????"

There are so many unknowns...there are whys that we may never have the answers to...so many of us in the mind body way of thinking and living...have been taught to blame ...blame someone if they are poor ...blame someone if they are sick...I have now been on both sides of this in my life many times...I have come to a place in my heart where blame does not exhist. I can't heal if I am being blamed ....my friends who also share my situation...most likely won't heal if there is punishment. I have come to a place where love is the only answer...put your arms around those you love....and hold them in a sacred place of healing...without blame...without punishment...without having to have all of the answers...we can heal the planet this way...accept the confusion and step into a more open way of thinking. Open your heart.

It does help us to understand as much as we can so we can use our tools wisely...there is much we can do to prevent illness...we have many tools and an intelligence that will guide us down our path in the most useful way possible...perhaps we do the very best we can...and sometimes we are presented challenges that just don't seem to make sense or even fair...and yet...we still have to face them...

After I went down the list of Whys....after I screamed this SUCKS and this is FUCKING UNFAIR ....after I went over my diet and lifestyle...scanning for some mistake...after wondering why after several Dr.'s visits questioning my crazy symptoms...after so many questions that led to more meaningless answers...I have arrived at this calm place of surrender and acceptance.

I don't understand why I have what I have...I do accept it ...not as defeat...I accept it as a gift that will bring me to a higher and deeper understanding about healing....a richer experience of love and true peace. I feel calm and ready to embrace this mysterious path. I don't want to fight anyone from a place of anger. I'm not angry...I trust this place....I trust my body to be strong and my spirit to soar ....

Sometimes I don't feel so well and other times I feel great...it truly is a rollercoaster of symptoms that can change hourly...I wake up in the morning feeling great and then I don't feel so good a few hours later...this is frustrating when I want to work( I haven't yet) or when I have a visitor coming (which sometimes I have to cancel) The migraines have been a challenge as well. I try to get through the difficult side effects and then move on...it truly comes and goes.

So...YES>>>even with acceptance...there is still frustration...however...I accept it and move on...I don't stay in any place too long...my yoga teacher taught us about "parinama" everything is temporary.

I found a great website... www.chemochicks.com a humerous site for women going through chemotherapy....they have products that will be fun for the bald Summer that will emerge any day now...I had another hair cut on friday ...I carry my hat with me in case my hair blows off in the wind...it's crazy ...sitting here at the computer with one style and getting up with another...very wierd and very funny...going to bed with hair and possibly waking up without it....

I welcome your thoughts...I welcome your honesty...if you're angry and confused and you want to talk about it...let's do it....we can help eachother get through...if you have also arrived ...most likely through challenges of your own like me ready to embrace the uncertainty and to move forward in love...please continue to surround me in that loving spirit and we will also get through this together. There is so much we don't understand and yet we can step into love ...we can continue to send love and healing and peace out into the world...we can continue to be examples of ....instead of always angry at...

I love you and miss you and I know we will enjoy our time together soon...may you have patience during this time while we all feel like we're waiting...go exercise ....go to other classes...go fill yourself up with all of the wonderful things we know that makes us feel great...go out into nature and enjoy...go try something new...we can do this!!!!! Together....we can do anything!!!

Love to you always,
Summer