...from Gladys to some of her friends who were her support during her experience with Cancer...she wrote this March 13th 2002...3 months and one day before her passing....as I re-read the words she wrote...I realize that most of us facing illness...possibly life threatening illnesses... that we ...if we're blessed, have this special love in us that wants to share with our loved ones...I pass this on as a reminder to always live each day as if it were your last....again...not in a morbid way...but in a compassionate way to share with others... to honor ourselves...to be mindful of everyday. This is Gladys' letter ...may you receive the love from her as many of us did at that time...I don't want to ever forget her life ...her importance in the world. Love to you all.
" Dear Friends,
As I journey into a place where I've never been and that is so unfamiliar to me, a journey that sometimes gets lonely, sometimes sadness sets in and my spirit and energy momentarily take a downward spiral, I then instead think of it as an important part of my evolutionary journey, a gift that can help me learn and grow. And what I'm realizing is that those around me, family, friends and caring and sharing others are also given an opportunity to learn and grow.
And I am not afraid because I have the love and support of so many who truly care. For those of you that I've known for many years and we've shared many significant moments together, and for those of you who are also a part of my life and whom I have yet to meet one day, I can't help but feel so blessed.
My heart smiles as I think of all of you and Especially a very special
" angel spirit" that's you Summer who has been with me through all of this from the very beginning. I honor each and everyone of you, I always keep you in my prayers. I give thanks to God now for all the good that I have and all the good things to come. I give thanks everyday for the privilege of having you as my friends. I wish you all the Love your hearts can hold and many moments of Joy.
Thank you for You!!
So Dance away and let your Beautiful spirits soar.
Be Happy and Healthy Always, My Friends,
Lovingly,
Gladys"
...this letter was re-written exactly as she wrote it ...no editing...
Love to you all,
Summer
remembering Gladys through the writing of her daughter Sharmaine...this was written for her memorial...may we always remember what her life brought to us...
"Knowing
And you asked what I have learned?
And I say lots of things...
and most of those things I really don't remember
Now ask me what I know
And I say...this is who I'll never forget...
A woman who wasn't impressed by things
It's because of her that I know things can't make you happy
A woman who had subtle wisdom
because of her I know it's best to listen
I know a woman who was beautiful
It's because of her that I know how beauty is felt
I know a woman who was kind
because of her I know not to judge
A woman who was honest
because of her I know to live the truth
I know a woman who wasn't too proud
It's because of her that I know how to forgive
I know a woman who was courageous
It's because of her that I know fear has no place
I know a woman who knew she was worthy
It's because of her that I know to never be complacent
I know a woman who had substance
It's because of her that I know not to waste time on foolish things
A woman who loved her children
because of her I know love is above all things
I know a woman who transcended race
It's because of her that I'm here
I know a woman who saw good in all things
It's because of her that I know all things have purpose
I know a woman whose love was real
because of her I know love has no conditions
I know a woman who believed in humanity
It's because of her that I know never to lose hope
I know a woman who believed
it's because of her that I have peace knowing she's with God
And you asked me what I've learned...
And I'll tell you what I know...
I know a woman who saw me take my first breath
And it's because of her that I was able to see God take her last
I prayed for healing...
but my mother passed
Now there's clarity...
since my mother passed
Healing abounds...
Because my mother passed
Some things hands touch but don't grasp
Eyes stare and barely see
Life is swallowed but the taste is never known
I love you until the end of time and after that ...you will always be my Mom
R.I.P...Sharmaine
I love you Gladys...I love you Sharmaine...I love you Brea....thank you for those special years
Love,
Summer
Dear Friends,
Gladys has been on my mind so much lately...spending so much time with her as she faced Cancer . I also met a wonderful woman who also has Cancer and shares a common bond with me and with Gladys. She has the same oncologist as Gladys did...I sat with Gladys and her family in almost every Dr.s visit and had realized then what a horrible Dr. this person was ...knowing this even more because of Dr. Bahador. There is a way to speak to your patients...even when....especially when you know your patient is going to die. Her comments to Gladys and now my new friend are cruel and seemingly deliberate. It's almost as if she enjoys telling her patients to get their affairs in order. Or with my new friend..."it doesn't matter that you have this new tumor...you're going to die anyway"
...what happened to compassion??? Death can be a beautiful experience...some are not able to move into that realm with peace ...however...for a Dr. to take that away is just not ok. There are some Dr.s who are brilliant and should be in research not with patients day to day...if you have a Dr. who doesn't believe in you ...who doesn't lift you ...who doesn't listen to you...who doesn't really care if you live or die....FIND ANOTHER DR. !!!!!! I feel so lucky to have met Dr. Bahador...even more lucky to have the monthly...sometimes weekly experience of going to his office...being lifted by his staff...being lifted by Dr. Bahador...watching him care deeply for each and every patient...there are Dr.s out there who care about you ...who are just as much healers as any alternative medicine Dr. or caregiver...I know I will die someday...perhaps it will be from this perhaps from something non-related to Cancer...when I ask Dr. Bahador to tell me the truth...he will tell me with love and compassion...he will care that it's my time...
I will be sharing with you in the next several blogs...words written for Gladys for her memorial...words shared by Gladys months before her passing...I decided to share this with you because the experience of illness is so special...even more special is the experience of death...not in a morbid give up way...but in a way that is beautiful and loving ...for the person dying and for those of us left to weep ...to say good by...and what has happened to me with the people in my life whom have passed....is this depth of love and support from them...the way I can feel their energy is far greater than when they were alive...I feel guided by their non human energy...not limited by time or space...they fill me up ....I know I'm not alone.
...written from Gladys' memorial ...
" You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as a river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your secret knowledge of the beyond. And the like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from it's restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."
Kahlil Gibran-" The Prophet"
Dear Friends,
I just completed my 8th round of Chemo using the 2 drug therapy...CarboplatinTaxol...the Taxol portion will be distributed in 3rds starting with last friday and continuing the next 2 fridays..I will be able to take a 4 week break and will resume chemotherapy using only the Taxol for one year starting June 29th. This 8th round made me a little more sick than #7 however...with that said...still doing very well...ready to work again tomorrow with clients.
I wanted to acknowledge Mother's Day over the weekend and realized on Sunday that I didn't have the strength to share what was in my heart. Mothers Day has taken on an additional meaning for me as I share what my friend Gladys shared with me in 2002. Gladys as many of you know passed away May 14th from Colon Cancer...I had the honor of spending time with her and her family during a 2 year period as she experienced her life with Cancer ...2 days before she passed away...we celebrated Mother's Day together ...this was her card to me on May 12th,2002
the card said...
"Comfortable Friends"
It's so easy to tell you
just about anything
whenever we share Mom stories
or confide in each other,
I can count on you
to be sensitive and supportive.
I want you to know
How much I value that closeness.
Happy Mother's Day"
Gladys' words...
"To my special special friend. I haven't got the words to express just how special you really are. I love trading Mom stories with you whether they're happy or sad. I love you sooooooooooooo much. I wish you all the health and love and vitality that you deserve. You are my special gift of light each and every day!!!
Peace and Joy Always,
Gladys
...this day was a day when Gladys was losing control of her words...trying to speak but was not able to be understood some of the time...I knew at that moment that Gladys was going to pass...we could all feel it...Gladys and I shared a special time in both of our lives...we tried to help each other be better Mothers by sharing stories of our own lives that lifted us and often times caused us to feel powerless and unable to solve the mistakes or misunderstandings of our children. We shared how much we loved(love) our children...How the blessings of loving another the way a Mother can love her child is a gift that we would never take for granted. She loved being a Mother more than anything...she was so proud of her daughters....Brea and Sharmaine...as she looks down on them now...she must be so amazed at their beauty and intelligence. Her spirit radiates in both of them. I am so blessed to watch as Brea prepares to graduate from college and as Sharmaine grows her 3rd precious child in her body and continues her film career.
Gladys,
Thank you for teaching me the real beauty of Mother's Day...with Hallmark pressure on our heels to be this special day which sets us all up for disaster...enough cards...enough flowers...enough lunches...brunches ...dinners....we lose sight of the most precious gift....the gift of loving a child and watching that child grow into an amazing human being....even with all of the ups and downs...the searing pain when we are so worried about them...unconditional love for what has come out of our bodies and through our hearts...I am forever grateful to you and to all Mother's!!!!
Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers
Love,
Summer
Dear Friends,
My dear friend and yours...Fatma Hanson has just lost her father...he lived in Algeria and her heart is in so much pain right now...please send her and her husband and children the love you have shown me and continue to show me...I know how powerful your support is....if you would like her address ...please email me at spiritsummer@cox.net ...I will blog soon with updates ...Love you...Summer
" Clearing my mind through the backdrop of pain,
Releasing the preconditioned agenda
while painting my life a new color."
Summer Autio
