Dear Friends,
Gladys has been on my mind so much lately...spending so much time with her as she faced Cancer . I also met a wonderful woman who also has Cancer and shares a common bond with me and with Gladys. She has the same oncologist as Gladys did...I sat with Gladys and her family in almost every Dr.s visit and had realized then what a horrible Dr. this person was ...knowing this even more because of Dr. Bahador. There is a way to speak to your patients...even when....especially when you know your patient is going to die. Her comments to Gladys and now my new friend are cruel and seemingly deliberate. It's almost as if she enjoys telling her patients to get their affairs in order. Or with my new friend..."it doesn't matter that you have this new tumor...you're going to die anyway"
...what happened to compassion??? Death can be a beautiful experience...some are not able to move into that realm with peace ...however...for a Dr. to take that away is just not ok. There are some Dr.s who are brilliant and should be in research not with patients day to day...if you have a Dr. who doesn't believe in you ...who doesn't lift you ...who doesn't listen to you...who doesn't really care if you live or die....FIND ANOTHER DR. !!!!!! I feel so lucky to have met Dr. Bahador...even more lucky to have the monthly...sometimes weekly experience of going to his office...being lifted by his staff...being lifted by Dr. Bahador...watching him care deeply for each and every patient...there are Dr.s out there who care about you ...who are just as much healers as any alternative medicine Dr. or caregiver...I know I will die someday...perhaps it will be from this perhaps from something non-related to Cancer...when I ask Dr. Bahador to tell me the truth...he will tell me with love and compassion...he will care that it's my time...
I will be sharing with you in the next several blogs...words written for Gladys for her memorial...words shared by Gladys months before her passing...I decided to share this with you because the experience of illness is so special...even more special is the experience of death...not in a morbid give up way...but in a way that is beautiful and loving ...for the person dying and for those of us left to weep ...to say good by...and what has happened to me with the people in my life whom have passed....is this depth of love and support from them...the way I can feel their energy is far greater than when they were alive...I feel guided by their non human energy...not limited by time or space...they fill me up ....I know I'm not alone.
...written from Gladys' memorial ...
" You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as a river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your secret knowledge of the beyond. And the like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from it's restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."
Kahlil Gibran-" The Prophet"
Gladys has been on my mind so much lately...spending so much time with her as she faced Cancer . I also met a wonderful woman who also has Cancer and shares a common bond with me and with Gladys. She has the same oncologist as Gladys did...I sat with Gladys and her family in almost every Dr.s visit and had realized then what a horrible Dr. this person was ...knowing this even more because of Dr. Bahador. There is a way to speak to your patients...even when....especially when you know your patient is going to die. Her comments to Gladys and now my new friend are cruel and seemingly deliberate. It's almost as if she enjoys telling her patients to get their affairs in order. Or with my new friend..."it doesn't matter that you have this new tumor...you're going to die anyway"
...what happened to compassion??? Death can be a beautiful experience...some are not able to move into that realm with peace ...however...for a Dr. to take that away is just not ok. There are some Dr.s who are brilliant and should be in research not with patients day to day...if you have a Dr. who doesn't believe in you ...who doesn't lift you ...who doesn't listen to you...who doesn't really care if you live or die....FIND ANOTHER DR. !!!!!! I feel so lucky to have met Dr. Bahador...even more lucky to have the monthly...sometimes weekly experience of going to his office...being lifted by his staff...being lifted by Dr. Bahador...watching him care deeply for each and every patient...there are Dr.s out there who care about you ...who are just as much healers as any alternative medicine Dr. or caregiver...I know I will die someday...perhaps it will be from this perhaps from something non-related to Cancer...when I ask Dr. Bahador to tell me the truth...he will tell me with love and compassion...he will care that it's my time...
I will be sharing with you in the next several blogs...words written for Gladys for her memorial...words shared by Gladys months before her passing...I decided to share this with you because the experience of illness is so special...even more special is the experience of death...not in a morbid give up way...but in a way that is beautiful and loving ...for the person dying and for those of us left to weep ...to say good by...and what has happened to me with the people in my life whom have passed....is this depth of love and support from them...the way I can feel their energy is far greater than when they were alive...I feel guided by their non human energy...not limited by time or space...they fill me up ....I know I'm not alone.
...written from Gladys' memorial ...
" You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life? The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as a river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your secret knowledge of the beyond. And the like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity. Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor. Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king? Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from it's restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."
Kahlil Gibran-" The Prophet"
posted by Summer @ 8:01 AM
1 Comments:
At 12:10 AM,
Linda said…
Summer, All I can say, is "WOW", thank-you for calling me tonight. You are right on schedule. Or shall I say, I am right on schedule. This is how, this whole cancer, "experience", has been unrolling. I don't have to do a thing, just like My Teacher, my 1st yoga teacher, Patricia would say. She always would start out each, "end",of the yoga class. Close your eyes, breathe deeply. Just lay there. Let go. You don't have to do a thing! I remember so well my very first yoga class I ever went to. I couldn't believe that it could possibly be true. No one ever gives you permission to just lay there and not do a thing. I just loved it. Could this be for real? I was going to find out. And I have. Eleven years later, I still attend these life changing classes of my Dearest, Teacher, and Friend, Patricia. The funny thing is that two weeks ago, after arriving here in San Diego for chemo and surgery, I called my Teacher, to let her know I would be missing the next 6 month of classes. She just listened, there was a long empty space... and then she said, you know I too, just got my biopsy back today. I too have cancer, melanoma. I guess we will go through this together. You in San Diego, and I in San Francisco. We will keep contact and help each other through our rough days. WOW... Back to my story, and Let your body sink into the earth. Let her hold you, gently in her arms. Breathe deeply...Smile lovingly in thanks to your body... for another day of loving kindness. For taking care of you. Give thanks to each an every organ in your body. Surround yourself in loving kindness. Feel the safety of the golden light around you, keeping you safe. Everything is falling into place, with no effort...just let go. Relax. Knowing, all is well. I thank you for your words to me. Also for the blog. I read it and it just felt so important to respond. I will start my very 1st chemo treatment tomorrow. I too, felt the loving, caring, kindness in Dr. Bahador's office. From the front office staff, to Robin, and also Dawn, (the loving warm caregiver), I will be seeing them once a week, for at least the next 3 months. Then surgery. I too, know the feeling of people treating you "differently". I currently have a catheter. My bladder has been misplaced above my uterus, by the large fibroid, that has become,"my baby". I am carrying the fibroid, it feels in every way just as if I am pregnant again. Even the morning sickness. Nausea, tiredness, mood swings, crying. I have to take medicine to stop the contraction. My uterus wants to "birth", it. The fibroid. I sadly recognize the,"looks" I get. I too,used to feel uncomfortable seeing the clear tubing coming out of a wheelchair, or whatever. I must feel, "what that must been like." Most older folks, my parents included, once they have a catheter, will be using one until they pass. As that(catheter)has to do with worn-out parts. Mine, hopefully when repositioned, after my hysterectomy, will once again work properly. A painful but necessary lesson on the journey. The same has to do with the soon to be "baldness", or hair loss. I now am excited to see how my henna tattoo, of the lotus flower...above my head...(reminding my of the bigger picture yet to come), will look. Two weeks ago when I found out I would be doing chemo and losing my thick, wavy hair, I was devastated. Too attached ...How could that be. I've always been a good person, why me. How unfair! Well, a few night to ponder, and I came up with this. Another lesson...it is my inner beauty that matters most. Allow our Divine Self - TRUE SELF, to shine through. Learning that as we go...there is so much more to life than what our "collective cultural trance", has allowed us to grasp so far. Beauty comes form within. Thank-you for another important lesson in Life!...With love and healing thoughts, Linda
Post a Comment
<< Home