Dear Friends,

I have GREAT news!!!!

My CA-125 is still 5... at this time I am still Cancer FREE... the focus is to maintain my status so that the possibility of re-occurrence becomes a smaller and smaller percentage...eventually...not possible at all.

I am healthy and clear...the transparency of clean cells is what I see...that's all that matters today...living in the moment...day to day...surrendering to the blessing of what having an illness can offer you...the wisdom that comes with coming face to face with death.

This is truly a gift....no matter what happens...my eyes have been opened to a whole new world...I accept this path of knowledge...I welcome the experience...

through my book with Dr. Bahador...we can offer love and compassion to all who connect with us... without Cancer ...I would not have met this extraordinary healer who just happens to have trained within a traditional western model... who he is inside...what he transmits is an openness ...a curiosity that what he knows from training is not all he wants to understand and share with us has patients...he is strict...he is true to what is right and wrong within the legal parameters...he listens and trusts his patients...when I am in the office...waiting for my turn...the rooms with other waiting patients are quiet until he steps into the room and there is laughter ...then sitting alone ...we all start laughing too....it's hilarious...we all know it will be our turn to laugh....and maybe through the laughter and release...tears will come and the entire cycle starts again...we laugh...we cry....we share our deepest fears and we are most often lifted to our highest possibilities...I am so lucky to have caregivers who help me with my healing...it works...

None of us knows how death will come...it may be from the disease that we're given...it may be from some unknown circumstance down the road...I know of several young people who were taken by car accidents... no time to say good by...no time to clean up our "stuff". Perhaps some of us would prefer this type of exit...I am blessed with the reminder that death is simply a part of life and while I don't know the when...I can certainly control what happens during the remainder of my life.I can control what I do and what I say, day to day...moment by moment.

These are just some of the ways that help me live a clearer life...the possibility for healing:

Speaking your truth that is useful...opening your heart and sharing your inner most thoughts...telling the truth that is freeing ...saying you're sorry for mistakes...for behavior that is not...was not worthy ...spending time with friends or strangers who also lift each other and wish the highest good for themselves and the planet...allow for imperfections...then do your very best to clean them up with out being rigid or acting out of guilt...allow for growth...allow for the space to fall ...to be humbled...to be grateful for the lesson...then when you know better...do better. Let love and kindness emanate from you... within you...wake up with this grateful meti heart... and then go to sleep with the knowing that compassion is in you and awaits you when you awake to another beautiful day.

The current plan of one year of Taxol ...once every 4 weeks...has begun..11 more to go!!!! Yesterday was a great day...it was Dawn's ( chemo nurse) and Dr. Bahahdor's birthdays...we celebrated and shared much happiness. Shannon ( awesome staff front desk girl) bought me a vegan chocolate slice of cake so I could participate ....the real cake was an ice cream chocolate cake from cold stone...looked awesome...everyone said it was awesome...I loved mine as well...I love going to chemo...now calling it " Chemo Kamp" (miss-spelling is on purpose)...at least that's what Dan and I call it...we have so much fun...we also have deep and meaningful conversations...life changing conversations...

I am in a much better place in my heart...in my place in life from having Cancer...from having this experience...the wonderful people that I have met and continue to meet would not be in my life without this diagnosis. This is an opportunity to wake up and do and be all of the things that have brought me up to this point ...cancer has not been my only frightening obstacle...as life continues to offer challenges...

we have a choice with our life's experiences...our accumulative wisdom...to step up and rise up to the challenge with love in our hearts in the midst of the fear ...we can step up to the challenge with compassion for ourselves and others...even when and especially when we have a moment or two of doubt and pity and just when we're ready to give up...or give in ....we can crawl out of this abyss and find our place again...

What makes you happy??? What can you do for others??? How can you offer your heart in the purest way??? Are you giving and then angry about it??? Find that place where it's truly pure...it's possible.

We can look out of the window that is clear and see the beautiful clouds and the pouring rain that brings childhood smells ...the smell of concrete after the first rain...the smell of wet grass...the clouds that look like animals...the blue sky permeating between the clouds...or we can look out of A cloudy window and see something very different..you may not even have a chance to notice the clouds from a clear perception due to lack of clarity from the first view...the clouds and the rain are still there...our interpretation of the cloudy sky ...the rainy day...is not filled with light...instead...there is no hope ....no sense of smells ...so sense of anything but dread...when you find yourself here...reach out and ask for help...so many people are there for you and you may not know it...you may not realize that you are surrounded by loving souls who would wrap their arms around you and lift you to a better place. Do not give up!!!

I meet both types of people when I'm at Chemo Kamp...I meet all types of people when I'm out in the day to day living life the way we all spend our time...I learn so much from every one's interpretation...we all have so much to learn and even more to share...

I welcome your interpretations of your life...How do you handle obstacles???

Once I experience a few more of the chemo's of this maintenance plan...I will feel more comfortable renting space again and bringing back our group energy...I am so grateful for your ongoing support and love. It has and continues to hold up up during some turbulent times...you have reminded me of the power of that love.

Namaste,
Summer

Dear Friends,

It's amazing how quickly time flies when there is a break between chemo's...it's also a bit strange. I have come to accept and have easily adapted to the rhythm of the chemo days. As I prepare for the 9th chemo...or now #1 chemo of the one year plan of just the Taxol, I am reminded of real life. Life goes on when you have Cancer...people are people..Just when you think that kindness and love surround you when you have an illness that offers an opportunity to feel supported or to be the person supporting...real life emerges and the very opposite happens...I know this intellectually...I just feel so sad when it happens...

I have something very sad and bizarre to share with you. Certainly for me... this has been a lesson in compassion ....material for my book...a voice that can be shared with other's whom may find themselves in the same situation...either by the person giving the vibe ...or the unfortunate one receiving it. Or perhaps that should be reversed. For someone to be able to say and be this way...is an example of unfortunate...of what it must feel like to be so unhappy that you are able to be selfish and thoughtless...this is what happened to me recently...

I spend a few times per week with a group of people whom I enjoy very much...(it's not my personal class)...for reasons to protect innocent friends and acquaintances...I've decided not to share where this occurred.
There was one person in the group who began treating me differently a while back...at first I thought she was having a bad day... and then a bad week and then...???? I began to notice that she was only treating me this way and was still very loving and friendly to everyone else.
I was puzzled and confused...one day she was open and concerned and supportive of my situation with cancer...(we also share another friend with cancer and although we were not good friends...we have known each other for over 10 years and shared group energy in a positive way)...until .....one day...out of the blue...a different person emerged.... a person who became rude and cruel and heartless.I emailed her and asked her if she was ok...I shared many loving comments and showed concern for her...she decided not to respond ....after about 3 weeks following my email...then...

she shared with a mutual friend that the reason she was behaving differently towards me was because "I was offensive because I was bald."

WOW!!!! After several emails between myself and this person...it was clear that she was offended by my baldness because I reminded her of what is wrong in her life. She was aware that I am bald due to chemotherapy.She basically said to " F" off without saying it...she really doesn't care how I feel or why I'm bald...she is only concerned about how it makes her feel. She is so uncomfortable...she can't look at me or participate with me.

I was shocked ...I am shocked. I also realized that anyone who can lash out towards someone who is ill like this must be very unhappy...as hurt as I was...I am now feeling very sad for her. I decided to share the essence of this story with you ...just in case ...you are treating someone in your life like this...perhaps you have had a situation when you were selfish and thoughtless...I have looked at my behavior much more closely...a time to check in.

Then I thought about how lucky I am to have only this little pain to deal with ...I just finished reading " A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini..the author of " Kite Runner" After reading this book about the unforgettable stories of the people of Afghanistan ...the heart wrenching lives of the women of Afghanistan...yet...another reminder of just how fortunate I am to live here...to live here even with Cancer...compared to what these people continue to have to live through..I am not only ok...I will never forget the beauty of this book..I welcome those moments to be reminded of how truly difficult life can be. One of the women in the book was given a caesarian section without anesthesia or any medicine at all...we are all so lucky to be here...although I have cancer...or ...had cancer...I have the best Doctor's... the top hospitals...etc. I am so touched and deeply moved by this book...as I was or maybe even more than Kite Runner and all of the other books and movies that try to teach us these lessons.

Regardless of where we are in the world...regardless of our hardships....we are all reaching out for love...we are all reaching out to teach and receive compassion...all of these lessons....are really opportunities to do better...we can all look at our own lives and do better...if you are hurting others with your biting words and crappy behavior...STOP IT...it takes less energy to find it in your heart to generously reach out and show others that you care...let us be an example...not from arrogance...not because we get attention from our kindness...but because we truly care...we can live from a higher consciousness of humanity...we have to wake up....not just for ourselves...but we can start small ...and then who knows...anything is possible...

Always sending love...thank you for the reminders...as painful as life can be...it could also be so much worse...I am forever humbled...

May we all do better,
Love,
Summer

Dear Friends,

I'm doing well and feeling grateful for the long break between chemo #8 and the one year plan ahead of me. I have been studying and building my inner strength. Every day I feel more and more in touch with the quiet place of surrender. I am motivated and excited about writing my books. I have met with my editor and spent an hour belly laughing at possible book titles for the blog book and continued to let the creative juices flow for the names of the chapter titles.

I have been studying Qigong...Yoga...Taoism...Buddhism and have enjoyed some beautiful hikes . The private " Spirit Tone" class has been uplifting for me as well as the wonderful group of dedicated students who meet with me twice per week. My home based business is also rewarding and continues to inspire me with energy and real life normalcy.

I'll be meeting with Dr. Bahador to discuss the book we will write together. There is so much to look forward to ..so much to share ...

As I continue to heal...I am more and more confident that it's truly all about the love....the love we show ourselves...the compassion and kindness we show one another...it's always a choice to be kind...to be loving...to be patient...to drive a little slower...

I look forward to teaching Yoga and Spirit Dance this fall...I'll keep you posted on possibilities....I'm looking for wonderful places to rent...if you have any ideas...please pass them on...

With love,
Summer

Dear Friends,

I recently finished my 8th round of chemo...it took 3 weeks to complete and I just had a white count shot this past Saturday...the side effects from the shot were nothing compared to the past shots...I'm either getting used to it or it's much easier without chemo at the same time. As you all know...the next chemo will be June 29th and will continue for one year at one time per month intervals.

I've been working and reading and gathering thoughts for my books. If anyone would like to contribute your personal thoughts and experiences ...please start working on that now and send them to me asap... send me an email and I'll forward my address...these thoughts can be about how my illness...my challenges have effected you or you may want to share your own thoughts about illness and ways that you lift yourself...you may want to share about what our relationship means to you...etc. I look forward to receiving your personal thoughts!

How have you been? I always love hearing from you...you can email or blog...Have a wonderful week...

Love,
Summer