Dear Friends,
It's amazing how quickly time flies when there is a break between chemo's...it's also a bit strange. I have come to accept and have easily adapted to the rhythm of the chemo days. As I prepare for the 9th chemo...or now #1 chemo of the one year plan of just the Taxol, I am reminded of real life. Life goes on when you have Cancer...people are people..Just when you think that kindness and love surround you when you have an illness that offers an opportunity to feel supported or to be the person supporting...real life emerges and the very opposite happens...I know this intellectually...I just feel so sad when it happens...
I have something very sad and bizarre to share with you. Certainly for me... this has been a lesson in compassion ....material for my book...a voice that can be shared with other's whom may find themselves in the same situation...either by the person giving the vibe ...or the unfortunate one receiving it. Or perhaps that should be reversed. For someone to be able to say and be this way...is an example of unfortunate...of what it must feel like to be so unhappy that you are able to be selfish and thoughtless...this is what happened to me recently...
I spend a few times per week with a group of people whom I enjoy very much...(it's not my personal class)...for reasons to protect innocent friends and acquaintances...I've decided not to share where this occurred.
There was one person in the group who began treating me differently a while back...at first I thought she was having a bad day... and then a bad week and then...???? I began to notice that she was only treating me this way and was still very loving and friendly to everyone else.
I was puzzled and confused...one day she was open and concerned and supportive of my situation with cancer...(we also share another friend with cancer and although we were not good friends...we have known each other for over 10 years and shared group energy in a positive way)...until .....one day...out of the blue...a different person emerged.... a person who became rude and cruel and heartless.I emailed her and asked her if she was ok...I shared many loving comments and showed concern for her...she decided not to respond ....after about 3 weeks following my email...then...
she shared with a mutual friend that the reason she was behaving differently towards me was because "I was offensive because I was bald."
WOW!!!! After several emails between myself and this person...it was clear that she was offended by my baldness because I reminded her of what is wrong in her life. She was aware that I am bald due to chemotherapy.She basically said to " F" off without saying it...she really doesn't care how I feel or why I'm bald...she is only concerned about how it makes her feel. She is so uncomfortable...she can't look at me or participate with me.
I was shocked ...I am shocked. I also realized that anyone who can lash out towards someone who is ill like this must be very unhappy...as hurt as I was...I am now feeling very sad for her. I decided to share the essence of this story with you ...just in case ...you are treating someone in your life like this...perhaps you have had a situation when you were selfish and thoughtless...I have looked at my behavior much more closely...a time to check in.
Then I thought about how lucky I am to have only this little pain to deal with ...I just finished reading " A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini..the author of " Kite Runner" After reading this book about the unforgettable stories of the people of Afghanistan ...the heart wrenching lives of the women of Afghanistan...yet...another reminder of just how fortunate I am to live here...to live here even with Cancer...compared to what these people continue to have to live through..I am not only ok...I will never forget the beauty of this book..I welcome those moments to be reminded of how truly difficult life can be. One of the women in the book was given a caesarian section without anesthesia or any medicine at all...we are all so lucky to be here...although I have cancer...or ...had cancer...I have the best Doctor's... the top hospitals...etc. I am so touched and deeply moved by this book...as I was or maybe even more than Kite Runner and all of the other books and movies that try to teach us these lessons.
Regardless of where we are in the world...regardless of our hardships....we are all reaching out for love...we are all reaching out to teach and receive compassion...all of these lessons....are really opportunities to do better...we can all look at our own lives and do better...if you are hurting others with your biting words and crappy behavior...STOP IT...it takes less energy to find it in your heart to generously reach out and show others that you care...let us be an example...not from arrogance...not because we get attention from our kindness...but because we truly care...we can live from a higher consciousness of humanity...we have to wake up....not just for ourselves...but we can start small ...and then who knows...anything is possible...
Always sending love...thank you for the reminders...as painful as life can be...it could also be so much worse...I am forever humbled...
May we all do better,
Love,
Summer
It's amazing how quickly time flies when there is a break between chemo's...it's also a bit strange. I have come to accept and have easily adapted to the rhythm of the chemo days. As I prepare for the 9th chemo...or now #1 chemo of the one year plan of just the Taxol, I am reminded of real life. Life goes on when you have Cancer...people are people..Just when you think that kindness and love surround you when you have an illness that offers an opportunity to feel supported or to be the person supporting...real life emerges and the very opposite happens...I know this intellectually...I just feel so sad when it happens...
I have something very sad and bizarre to share with you. Certainly for me... this has been a lesson in compassion ....material for my book...a voice that can be shared with other's whom may find themselves in the same situation...either by the person giving the vibe ...or the unfortunate one receiving it. Or perhaps that should be reversed. For someone to be able to say and be this way...is an example of unfortunate...of what it must feel like to be so unhappy that you are able to be selfish and thoughtless...this is what happened to me recently...
I spend a few times per week with a group of people whom I enjoy very much...(it's not my personal class)...for reasons to protect innocent friends and acquaintances...I've decided not to share where this occurred.
There was one person in the group who began treating me differently a while back...at first I thought she was having a bad day... and then a bad week and then...???? I began to notice that she was only treating me this way and was still very loving and friendly to everyone else.
I was puzzled and confused...one day she was open and concerned and supportive of my situation with cancer...(we also share another friend with cancer and although we were not good friends...we have known each other for over 10 years and shared group energy in a positive way)...until .....one day...out of the blue...a different person emerged.... a person who became rude and cruel and heartless.I emailed her and asked her if she was ok...I shared many loving comments and showed concern for her...she decided not to respond ....after about 3 weeks following my email...then...
she shared with a mutual friend that the reason she was behaving differently towards me was because "I was offensive because I was bald."
WOW!!!! After several emails between myself and this person...it was clear that she was offended by my baldness because I reminded her of what is wrong in her life. She was aware that I am bald due to chemotherapy.She basically said to " F" off without saying it...she really doesn't care how I feel or why I'm bald...she is only concerned about how it makes her feel. She is so uncomfortable...she can't look at me or participate with me.
I was shocked ...I am shocked. I also realized that anyone who can lash out towards someone who is ill like this must be very unhappy...as hurt as I was...I am now feeling very sad for her. I decided to share the essence of this story with you ...just in case ...you are treating someone in your life like this...perhaps you have had a situation when you were selfish and thoughtless...I have looked at my behavior much more closely...a time to check in.
Then I thought about how lucky I am to have only this little pain to deal with ...I just finished reading " A Thousand Splendid Suns" by Khaled Hosseini..the author of " Kite Runner" After reading this book about the unforgettable stories of the people of Afghanistan ...the heart wrenching lives of the women of Afghanistan...yet...another reminder of just how fortunate I am to live here...to live here even with Cancer...compared to what these people continue to have to live through..I am not only ok...I will never forget the beauty of this book..I welcome those moments to be reminded of how truly difficult life can be. One of the women in the book was given a caesarian section without anesthesia or any medicine at all...we are all so lucky to be here...although I have cancer...or ...had cancer...I have the best Doctor's... the top hospitals...etc. I am so touched and deeply moved by this book...as I was or maybe even more than Kite Runner and all of the other books and movies that try to teach us these lessons.
Regardless of where we are in the world...regardless of our hardships....we are all reaching out for love...we are all reaching out to teach and receive compassion...all of these lessons....are really opportunities to do better...we can all look at our own lives and do better...if you are hurting others with your biting words and crappy behavior...STOP IT...it takes less energy to find it in your heart to generously reach out and show others that you care...let us be an example...not from arrogance...not because we get attention from our kindness...but because we truly care...we can live from a higher consciousness of humanity...we have to wake up....not just for ourselves...but we can start small ...and then who knows...anything is possible...
Always sending love...thank you for the reminders...as painful as life can be...it could also be so much worse...I am forever humbled...
May we all do better,
Love,
Summer
posted by Summer @ 6:44 PM
1 Comments:
At 10:23 PM,
Lauren Brooks said…
This post completely touched my heart. Thank you so much for sharing this. You truly have a gift with expression.
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